


(Just Like) Starting Over

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Future Fic, M/M, kagakuroweek2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami visits Tokyo for New Year's after four years of no contact with his high school friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Just Like) Starting Over

Ever since he graduated high school and moved back to the States for a university, Kagami visited Japan every year. It’s become a tradition back in high school to go to Akita to spend New Year’s with his cousin, and it somehow felt weird to stop. It was a nice enough tradition, even if Kagami simply couldn’t stand his girlfriend, but Murasakibara was usually too lazy to go anywhere with them, so it wasn’t all bad most of the time.

He was delightedly surprised when Tatsuya told him she wouldn’t be joining them at all this year, but it soon morphed into suspicious confusion when his cousin announced they’d be spending New Year’s in Tokyo. Kagami hasn’t been back there since he graduated, and Tatsuya was never really fond of that city, so it was only natural to question the decision.

“It’s because there’s hardly any snow in the winter,” explained Tatsuya. “But not this year. My secret spies tell me Tokyo looks lovely right now. So we’re going.”

Kagami was slightly wary of those “secret spies” seeing as Tatsuya never knew any people there except a handful of Kagami’s friends from high school, and the idea of him keeping in touch with them while Kagami hadn’t was disconcerting; then again, he might have met someone during the past four years.

“Fine, I guess I could use a change of scenery,” he conceded. “Your wife okay with that? Won’t she starve to death with you away for a few days?”

Tatsuya sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you we’re not together?”

“How many times do I have to tell you you’re delusional?”

Kagami didn’t understand why his cousin was so hell-bent on denying his relationship with Murasakibara while they were practically married since high school. The only thing missing was probably sex, but not every relationship required that, and from what Kagami could tell, they spent every waking hour together, weren’t seeing other people, and they slept in the same bed. When Kagami pointed it out, Tatsuya scoffed.

“I slept in _your_ bed during sleepovers in middle school! Didn’t mean I was your boyfriend!”

There were so many holes in that logic Kagami couldn’t decide which to highlight first. “Yeah, for one night tops, the rest you spent on the floor because you were ‘suffocating.’ You’ve been living with Murasakibara for _seven years_ including the dorms. Just admit you like cuddling with her and you can’t sleep without her. I bet you’re the little spoon too.”

“So what if I am!” protested Tatsuya, causing to Kagami to laugh. “And I so _can_ sleep without her!”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that. I am _not_ spooning you, man. Anyway, I gotta go pack. See you tomorrow at the airport.”

Tatsuya only scoffed again and disconnected, which made Kagami grin, and momentarily helped him forget about the pain of  packing for the trip – even if it was only one bag to have enough for a few days, Kagami _hated_ packing. Running his hand through his hair, he eyed the winter clothes scattered on his bed like they were to blame for all that’s evil, and hopelessly flopped down on the chair with a heavy sigh.

He still had a few hours… 

* * *

Tatsuya beamed at him when their eyes met on the airport, and it made Kagami’s chest tighten; a year was a very long time. Ever so often he considered moving back for good, not only to be closer to his cousin, but having lived in both countries, he could certainly say he was the happiest in Japan. The apartment he used to live in in high school was currently empty, his father never getting around to moving there, and more often than not, it seemed like a very appealing idea.

He regretted not asking his parents for the keys to the place before leaving, suddenly realizing that Tatsuya never mentioned where they were going to be staying. He didn’t mind hotels, but it seemed kind of pointless with a perfectly good apartment available. When he voiced his concerns to his cousin, he only laughed, waving a dismissing hand.

“Don’t worry about it, Taiga, I got us a place to stay.”

“And where would that be, huh?”

Tatsuya’s smirk was sly. “All in due time, my friend.”

“I’d like to remind you we wouldn’t be friends if we weren’t related.”

“Keep telling yourself that. Now come on, I wanna get hot chocolate, sit on a park bench, and enjoy the weather!”

Kagami rolled his eyes, but followed nonetheless, immediately shocked with the amount of snow covering the streets. They both shuddered with the cold, but Tatsuya seemed to be more delighted than chilly.

“I can’t believe you’re Californian…” he grumbled, fixing his scarf, and Tatsuya laughed as he dragged him outside.

Their ride flew by, even if Kagami wasn’t exactly sure of their destination – they had lots of catching up to do, and they never had problems talking at length anyway. Caught up in the conversation, completely used to Tatsuya manhandling him inconspicuously, he suddenly found himself on a park bench with a cup of hot chocolate and a happily sighing cousin by his side.

He looked around, realizing the place felt familiar – he used to play basketball nearby – and allowed the nostalgia to swallow him. Tatsuya hummed next to him, stretching his legs as he feet shuffled the snow on the ground. For a second, Kagami wondered if it was an accident that he brought him here, but it must have been. Tatsuya didn’t know the city well, so he probably dragged him to the first park he’s spotted.

Kagami dropped his eyes to the cup, watching marshmallows melt in the hot dark liquid, and it was strangely captivating. So much, actually, that he startled when Tatsuya suddenly got up only to crouch on the ground and scoop some snow in his gloved hands. Kagami couldn’t help rolling his eyes, but his breath hitched in awe when his cousin hurled the snowball at the nearby tree – Tatsuya was always rather mesmerizing when he was throwing.

“What did the poor tree ever do to you,” he teased.

Tatsuya shrugged, smiling gently, and looked around the park. Kagami watched his eyes narrow in concentration and then widen in surprise, and when his grin grew, threatening to split his face, Kagami’s stomach fell with an irrational fear.

“Is that- Is that Momoi-san?” asked Tatsuya, pointing to the distance.

Kagami gulped, refusing to follow his cousin’s gaze. If Momoi was here, _he_ probably wasn’t far behind. From all the people he associated with in high school, Aomine Daiki was the last person he wanted to see now, or ever, and he couldn’t imagine anything worse happening to him – until he heard a distant barking, and all of his blood left his head.

“Is that Nigou? Wow, he’s gotten huge! Does that mean-”

Correction. The last person he wanted to see wasn’t Aomine, but the owner of the hell beast Tatsuya was currently watching. Unable to stop himself, Kagami finally lifted his eyes, and there he was, painting a perfectly domestic picture, smiling gently at his girl while they were out on an afternoon walk to the park with _their_ dog.

Kagami felt a bit sick.

Kuroko Tetsuya was, or rather used to be, his best friend. They were inseparable in high school – an odd duo, some might say, but they worked together like a well-oiled machine. Momoi used to have a crush on Kuroko, and Kagami would like to think “good for her,” but he actually wanted to scream. He was about to tell Tatsuya they should leave before they’re discovered, when he saw him aiming a snowball at the couple. He leapt to his feet with a panicked hiss.

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-” _Splash._ “ _Goddammit!_ ”

He wanted the ground to open and swallow him whole when he heard Momoi squeak and then giggle, watching Tatsuya wave enthusiastically at them with the corner of his eye. Nigou was the first to charge at them, instantly jumping straight into Kagami’s arms, and he was stricken with painful realization that he actually missed the damned dog. Momoi was next, wrapping her arms around his neck with a delighted “Kagamin!” but all he could hear was Kuroko’s soft voice.

“Hello, Kagami-kun.”

If he thought he missed Nigou, he certainly wasn’t prepared for how much he missed Kuroko.

When Momoi let go of him to shift her attention to Tatsuya, Kagami kept absentmindedly rubbing Nigou’s head, and just stared at Kuroko, still so short, and pale, and perfect. He barely resisted the urge to reach out to brush the remnants of snow from his hair and almost laughed at how ridiculous was the idea that he wasn’t in love with him anymore. After all, there really wasn’t a time he weren’t.

“It’s been a while,” said Kuroko, a small smile on his thin lips.

“Y-yeah,” he managed to stammer. “How have you been?”

Before Kuroko could reply, Momoi flung her arm around Kuroko’s shoulder, her cheeks pink from emotion, her big eyes slightly watery. She was really happy to see him, against all odds, and Kagami was about to stop being an ass and return some of that affection, when she slipped her hand in Kuroko’s hair to brush off the snow and he noticed the ring on her finger.

He really was going to be sick.

“Are you staying in your old apartment, Kagamin?” she asked, excited. “If not, you should definitely stay with Tetsu-kun!”

Kagami swallowed the lump in his throat. “Ah, no, it’s fine. Tatsuya got us a place to stay.”

“Uh, no… I lied about that,” said his cousin, grinning sheepishly as he scratched his head in embarrassment.

Kagami gaped at the blatantly horrible acting. “You’re lying now!”

“No, I lied _before_ ,” shot back Tatsuya with a shrug. “Now don’t be a butthead, and accept the kind offer.”

Kagami was going to kill him. Honest to all the gods kills him. Momoi squealed, clapping happily, and Kuroko chuckled softly at her enthusiasm. The long-unheard sound did horrible things to Kagami, and he considered simply bolting, consequences be damned. Kuroko smiled at him encouragingly while Momoi and Tatsuya chattered away, already planning to spend the New Year’s together. Normally, upon hearing Aomine and Kise’s names, Kagami would protest with an inch of his life, but he was too immersed in keeping his legs steady as he followed the rest. 

* * *

Kuroko was staying with his parents for the winter break, and Kagami wasn’t sure if he was surprised that his room didn’t change at all. It brought back countless memories, mostly good ones – only one not so great to be fair. As Kagami flopped down on the bed with a sigh, he internally cursed Tatsuya for ditching him to stay at Momoi’s place. Being alone with Kuroko in his old room was… awkward, to say the least. Painful, to be perfectly honest.

Their friendship ended like this: they fucked.

More accurately, the decided to lose their virginity to each other. A silly pact between best friends. Better to make fools out of themselves in front of the other than someone they actually wanted to impress. Just get it done and over with, no big deal, a mutual favor between friends. Only under all that pretense, it was about Kagami making sure he was, in fact, into guys, and for Kuroko to see if he was into anything at all. But they were best friends, so they didn’t  have to say all that out loud.

It was… really good, as far as Kagami was concerned. Clumsy and over way too soon, yes, but _really_ good.

And then he woke up, in the very bed he was sitting on now, naked and sore in all the best ways, looked at Kuroko’s sleeping form, his beautiful face even paler in the sunlight, and he suddenly became aware of something horrible. The realization hit him like a freight train – seemingly out of nowhere, and with enough force to make him dizzy and breathless. He was in love with his best friend, had been for a very long time, with a friend who just slept with him only to lose their virginity, because that was a friendly thing to do.

So he ran – he flew across the ocean, and never looked back.

Which was kind of incredibly stupid and impulsive, and given how flawed his logic was in that dire moment of crisis, probably a huge mistake, but that’s exactly what he did. Half of the reason why he was adamant on making Tatsuya pull his head out of his ass and do _something_ about Murasakibara before it was too late was because he messed up with Kuroko, never even trying to give them a chance. And four years later, he was back in this room, still agonizing over something he could never change, while Kuroko was happily engaged to the sweetest and prettiest girl in Japan.

“The bath is ready, Kagami-kun.”

To his credit, Kagami didn’t shriek, but he did jump a little. All these years of getting used to Kuroko’s strange lack of presence have gone to waste, leaving Kagami as vulnerable to it as he was the first day they met. He muttered his thanks, and slipped out of the room, ignoring Kuroko’s concerned frown. Maybe he’d drown if he was lucky.

He considered calling Tatsuya, but he was afraid he’s end up shouting, and he didn’t want to inconvenience Kuroko’s parents any more than he’s already had. He wasn’t in any hurry to get out of the warm water and finally face Kuroko – alone, just them, in that damned room full of memories.

When he eventually did, a futon was ready for him next to the bed where Kuroko was sitting, clearly waiting for Kagami to come back. If he were a better actor, he could pretend to look around the room with a nostalgic fondness to avoid Kuroko’s gaze, but there really was no point. Without anything better to say, he simply thanked Kuroko for having him again.

“The pleasure is all mine, Kagami-kun. If you aren’t too tired, I was hoping we could catch up.”

“Sure,” managed Kagami, lying down on the futon.

Kuroko smiled at him warmly, and lied down as well, sighing contentedly. They started with small talk – general questions about parents, schools, jobs – just to break the ice, and it helped. It soon stopped being awkward, and they naturally fell into the familiar and comforting rhythm they used to have in high school. It had always been easy to talk to Kuroko, probably even easier than talking to Tatsuya, and Kagami was once again reminded how much he missed his best friend.

For a while, it baffled Kagami that Kuroko didn’t… _blame_ him. For leaving like that, for cutting himself off, for doing everything to make it seem like he has forgotten about him. Then he realized that Kuroko saw right through him, that he knew that Kagami never would have forgotten him. But being Kuroko – kind, forgiving, considerate Kuroko – he must have assumed Kagami had his reasons, and left it at that. It made Kagami feel like shit.

“I’m glad to see you happy, you know,” he blurted out.

Kuroko hummed softly. “Not to say I am not, but what do you mean exactly, Kagami-kun?”

“You know,” he muttered, wagging his fingers, not sure if Kuroko could even see it. “You and Momoi…”

Kuroko was silent for a long moment, making Kagami wonder if he simply fell asleep, but then he chuckled suddenly, which turned into a full-belly laughter. Kagami was confused, and embarrassed, and he wanted to grab Kuroko’s head and shake him until he stopped, like he used to do in school, but he didn’t have the right anymore, so he waited, grumbling under his breath.

“I’m not the one Satsu-san is engaged to, Kagami-kun.”

“Oh.”

Kagami apparently never knew true relief before that moment. He felt irrationally giddy with it, even if it shouldn’t change anything for them. But he was always a hopeless optimist, or at least has always been arrogant enough to assume things would somehow go his way, so he dared to hope, his entire body suddenly warm and his head filling with _possibilities._

“Oh,” he repeated uselessly. “A-aomine?”

Kuroko chuckled again. “I will not tell Satsu-san you insulted her like that. It’s a man she met at work. He’s kind, and gentle, and appreciates her as much as she deserves. Aomine-kun’s girlfriend is an A-cup and an excellent cook, just to keep us all on our toes.”

Kagami laughed at that. “And Kise?”

“Oh, she is very well. A famous model, but still very much in love with her high school sweetheart.”

“I wouldn’t call Kasamatsu a sweetheart. She was… _intense._ ”

Kuroko laughed again, warming Kagami’s skin with the sound. It felt good – familiar but new and exciting. He could stay awake all night talking to Kuroko about everything and nothing. He could stay, period. Just come back and start anew. The foundations were there, and they could build something new on them, he and Kuroko. Unless, of course, his friend has moved on, which was more than likely.

“What about you?” he asked, his voice smaller than he intended.

“Ah, no. It seems I cannot feel physical attraction without a strong emotional connection. That said, not many people wait long enough. I tried dating, but I haven’t been intimate with anyone since- since Kagami-kun, truthfully.”

Kagami held his breath. He was confused, mostly because if he understood correctly, Kuroko must have been in love with him four years ago too to even consider having sex. His instinct was telling him to surge up, climb into bed with Kuroko and just _take_ what he has been missing for all those years. But his stupid, terrified heart was holding him back like a vice made out of uncertainty, while his head filled with countless questions and _what if’s._

What if that connection was gone by now and Kuroko would push him away, embarrassed and unnecessarily guilty? What if they never _had_ that connection, and Kuroko thought of their night together as a mistake? That would explain why he didn’t seem upset about Kagami’s leaving. What if Kuroko simply didn’t want to be with him anymore, regardless of what they used to have, because he didn’t trust him anymore, or-

“Good night, Kagami-kun.”

Kagami squeezed his eyes shut, cursing himself for staying silent for too long, for not being able to reply even then, and turned to his side, already sure he wouldn’t sleep at all that night. 

* * *

Tatsuya laughed at him when he saw him the next day, his eyes red from lack of sleep. Kagami just growled, unable to form comprehensive words, and followed everyone to the station where they were supposed to meet the rest of the old gang. Apparently, Momoi even called Midorima, much to Kuroko and Kagami’s dismay (the guy was simply insufferable), but the silver lining was that at least Akashi was still back in Kyoto.

Momoi’s fiancé indeed seemed like a good guy, and he certainly looked at her as if she was his entire world. Sakurai seemed like a shy girl, but she got extremely possessive and defensive when Aomine insinuated Kagami used to have a rage boner for him, which was simply _not_ true. Midorima brought a guy named Takao, and no one knew who exactly was he supposed be, but no one dared to ask. The unspoken agreement was to wait for Kise to do it, but their shameless friend was going to join them later.

Kagami felt strange.

They were an unusual bunch, and no one seemed to like anyone else, but they’ve been together for years, long before and long after Kagami, and they stuck together against all odds. It felt strange to feel so accepted by them, as if he’s never been gone, and even stranger to feel like he’s really never left at all. Their laughter reverberated deep in his chest, and once again he wished to stay for good. Not just for Kuroko, but for all the rest of those weirdos.

For himself.

Kuroko smiled at him when their eyes met, and returning it was suddenly the easiest thing in the world. The feeling that everything would work out somehow was filling him again, not out of arrogance but out of unadulterated optimism. It was a new year, a new beginning, and Kagami simply decided not to let it go to waste, and where it would take him didn’t matter at this point.

He felt the urge to share with Tatsuya, giddy with irrational joy, but his grin fell when he noticed his cousin sitting away from the group, frowning at his phone.

“Wife not calling?” he quipped without humor, as he sat down next to him.

Tatsuya laughed anyway. “She’s probably asleep. She’ll text back soon. Anyway, how’d it go with Kuroko-kun? Night well spent?”

“What?”

“Oh come on, I can tell you didn’t sleep! All my hard work paid off. Momoi-san was more excited about this than her own wedding!’

Kagami gaped. “Wait, wait, back up! What the hell are you talking about?”

“No, don’t tell me…” muttered Tatsuya, his uncovered eye widening. “Nothing happened?”

“Of course nothing happened! What were you expecting?”

Tatsuya hummed thoughtfully. “A very dramatic and heartfelt reunion, to be perfectly honest with you. After Momoi-san confirmed that Kuroko-kun was definitely still in love with you, I asked her to help me get you two together, seeing as you are definitely still in love with him. We didn’t count on either of you not acting upon your feelings. I must say I’m surprised…”

“Stop, stop, I can’t listen to you right now,” pleaded Kagami, his head swimming. “First of all, was everyone aware of my feelings in high school except for me?”

“Kuroko-kun apparently wasn’t,” supplied Tatsuya helpfully.

Kagami clicked his tongue. “Shut up. Second of all, you read too many trashy romance novels! That’s not how it works! Of course nothing happened after four goddamn years of no contact! And finally, I will kill you both for meddling, as soon as I- I… How does Momoi know he’s in love with me?”

He blushed in embarrassment when Tatsuya grinned widely in triumph. He already knew the answer to that question – of course Kuroko simply told her, and even if he didn’t, Momoi had almost a decade worth of data gathered, and she knew Kuroko like the back of her hand. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest when he allowed everything to sink in.

Kuroko had been, and still was in love with him.

There was still hope, and he was about to get up and find him to do something, anything, when he suddenly found himself with a lapful of a sweet-smelling blond model apparently determined to cover his entire face with lip gloss.

“Oh Kagamicchi, how much I’ve missed you!” wailed Kise, clinging to him with surprising strength.

“Stop kissing me, woman! I’ll break in hives! Kasamatsu, make her stop!”

Everyone laughed, and before Kagami knew what was happening, they were all heading to the temple, Kise asking him endless questions that mostly boiled down to whether she was already famous overseas or not. When Kagami failed to satisfy her, she moved onto Midorima, and everyone finally learned who Takao was _supposed_ to be (an assistant), but they still had no idea who he actually _was_.

Kagami tried to maneuver himself closer to Kuroko, but even when he finally managed it, he realized this crowd was no place to talk _feelings._ Dejected, he simply walked next to Kuroko in silence, trying for once to plan ahead. Once they were alone, he would tell Kuroko the truth, regardless of what Kuroko would reveal in his answer. Even if Momoi’s intel was wrong, at least everything would be out in the open, which was much better than lying to himself and Kuroko for years.

“Kagami-kun seems unusually deep in thought,” teased Kuroko. “Is everything alright?”

Kagami mulled over possible responses. He could come up with some excuse, or pretend that Kuroko was seeing things, or even blurt out he loved him right there and then, just to get it over with. He looked at Kuroko instead, just taking in the familiar features, cataloging every little change in them, letting himself be encompassed by that incontrollable affection he’d been bottling inside for so long. Kuroko blushed lightly under his gaze and Kagami grinned.

“It will be.”

Kuroko’s eyes widened momentarily, and his blush deepened slightly, making Kagami’s grin grow wider. He didn’t realize everyone suddenly stopped until he rammed bodily into Midorima, who seemed even more displeased by that than him, to Takao’s utter delight. Shaking off the immediate confusion, Kagami looked ahead to see Tatsuya just standing as if he’s just seen a ghost; in front of him stood Murasakibara.

“Atsushi?”

“I was bored without Muro-chin,” she replied simply, painfully honestly, and shrugged.

Tatsuya sighed out a weird giggle and threw himself at Murasakibara, his arms tight around her neck while he stood on his tiptoes. When she hugged him back, her eyebrows scrunched in mixture of confusion and relief, probably confused as to why she felt relieved, something tugged at Kagami’s heart. Watching them then, he realized there was no need for him to interfere in any way – no matter what they called what they had, no matter what it actually was, they were _happy._

Everything really _was_ going to be alright.

Kuroko remained at his side on their seemingly never-ending way to the temple. They talked about nothing important, and Kagami felt a strange mix of calm and excitement which, oddly, made perfect sense at the moment. When they finally reached their destination, he secretly watched Kuroko while they said their prayers. Coins clung against metal, bells tolled, and Kagami smiled when Kuroko looked back at him.

“What did you wish for?” he asked.

“Will my wish still come true if I say it out loud?” shot back Kuroko, not without humor. When Kagami didn’t reply, Kuroko sighed in defeat and nodded. “Very well. I… I wished for someone to come back…”

Kagami took a deep breath and barely bothered to hide his overjoyed grin. “Funny. I wished for someone to take me back.”

Kuroko didn’t say anything, but the corners of his lips lifted slightly, putting dimples in his cheeks. Kagami bit his lips not to start laughing out loud, less out of respect for the place and more to avoid giving Tatsuya and Momoi the satisfaction. He looked at Kuroko again, his chest tight and light at the same time, and let one quiet chuckle escape him, only to hear Kuroko answer him with one as well.

They stepped off the stairs holding hands.


End file.
